Definition of a Hand

It is your hand I remember
Not your face
The colour of your eyes
Or the deep cleft in your chin
But your hand
A marvel
That’s what I thought
Your left hand
The back of it
The dorsum
Its shape
The weight of it
I will take it with me to the grave
Left hand falling like thunder on left cheek
My left cheek
The imprint of your alma mater ring tattooed on it until now
A birth mark
Nails so white and clipped,
A well-taken-care of hand
Knuckles giving way to dark hairs like grass on a meadow
Once, I could swear it happened, I slept there
But then your ring
your fraternity ring on my cheek
Right above the jaw
Where I bled for hours
Tells me I must be wrong
How could I have ever slept on barbed wires?
The palm I do not remember
No life lines or money lines or marriage lines
The palm always pointing away from me
A dismissing hand
The dorsum is another story
Diminishing
Demeaning
Blood vessels connecting with arteries
And the skin
A tight drum with a muting sound
I cannot hear with my left ear any longer
But I have the mark of your ring
Forever

The wrist
Right where the leather strap of your watch is a creamy circle
Is where my eyes stop
I unhinge it
Take it aside
Your hand
Palm up
And set fire to it
Not now
But I will
I will
All 27 bones
(a prehensile appendage for physical manipulation
according to Wikipedia)
Physical manipulation of the backward blow
Finger stretched so straight
I could have woven a shroud around them
A heinous sight

My mother was a weaver of lies
People looked at you
And envied her
She is dead now
My mother

Hajer

Suicide Note

A bullet in the temple
In the mouth
Or straight in the heart
Hanging from the ceiling
Falling from the 47th floor
The intimate touch of a razor on the inside of both wrists
All unlikely
The gun is hard to get
No rafters in the ceiling
Instinctual fear of heights
What a mess
Balancing on the edge of a bathtub full of crimson waters
Therefore
I am a villager hauling stones
In the insides of your brand new Aldo Brue shoes
The heels pushing against my breasts
In their white mesh bikini top
The one you never saw
Your shoe laces tied in a knot around my neck
Shoes so beautiful
Shiny almost
Genuine leather
Made in Italy
Maggie said you will be wearing them
When you walk out on me
A private affair
A sisterhood of stones
My back to the city
Which has an estuary
A gulf
But no seagulls
So much heat there’s steam rising from the water
Even at three in the morning
And you sleeping next to your wife
In the house of six bedrooms
Five and a half baths
A maid’s room with sky lights
Safe
I know your phone is on silent
So I call you five times
I text you to please pick up
Smiling as I do
Imagining you in the morning
Or the afternoon
Or in a week
When you find out
How you’ll blame yourself for not picking up
May be you will remember
That I stopped laughing at the internet jokes
You read me over the phone
About Brazilian waxes
And fleas spending the summer in Florida
Where you lived before we met
May be you will find me
A garland of seaweed marking the spot

Hajer

بيروت

بيروت

حـبيبتي رياضة ُ الصباح ِ

والمساءِ

واالنشــاط ُ

والكـَســَـلْ

حـبيبتي

ضَـرِيبة ٌ دفـَـعـْـتــُها

ولم أزلْ

قصــيدة ٌنــظـَـمـْـتــُها

حكاية ٌ طــويلة ٌ

تــُـرْوَى

ولا تــُمــلّ ْ

حـبيبتي

شـِـفـاهـُـهـا

تـُـنـَـقــِّـط ُ العـســلْ

جـبينُها مُـسـْـتـَقـبـلٌ

وصـَوتـُها

بـَـوَادِرُ الأمـَـلْ

حـبيبتي المـشـْرُوبُ

والأفيونُ

حـُـقـْـنــة ُ الــوريــدْ

دُخـَّـانـَة ُ ألـُـفــُّهـا

أشـُـمــُّـهـا

إدْمَـانـُهـا أكـِـيـدْ

حـبيبتي

حـقـيقــة ٌ

شـَـجـَاعـَة ٌ

دِيـانـَة ٌ

شـَـفـاعـَة ٌ

وجـُـرْأة ٌلا تـَعــْرِف ُالخـَـجـَـلْ

حـبيبتي

قـُرْآنـُهـا كـَـنـائـِسُ ُ

إنـْجـِـيلـُهـا مـَنـابـِرُ ُ

صـَلاتـُها تـُـوَحِّـدُ الشـُّـعـُوبَ والــدُّوَلْ

حـبيبتي

أولـَى وآخـِـرُ الجـُـمـَـلْ

هاجر

أقول تقطعي ألما

تقـطـّـعي ألما

أقـولُ تـقـطــَّـعـِـي ألـَـمـا

أقـولُ تـحَــرَّقـي نـدمـا

فـزوجـُكِ نـائـمٌ عـنـدي

قـريرٌ بـيـن أحـضـاني

غـنـيّ

ٌ بـعـدَ أنْ حــُرِما

إذا اسـتـأنـفـْتِ زاهـدة ً

بـهِ

أغـْـدَقــْتــُهُ نــِعــَمـا

وإنْ أغـْـلــَـقــْتِ شــُبــّاكــًا

وكـُــنـْتِ الــنــِدّ َ والـحـكـَمـا

فـتـحــْتُ لـهُ أنـا الأبـوابَ

أنـْصـُـرُهُ إذا هــُزِمــا

إذا أشـقـيـتـِهِ لـيلاً

جـعـلـْتُ نـهـارهُ حـُلـُما

وإنْ أثــْقــَلـْـتِــهِ شــكـوى

وصـَـــعــّرْتِ الــخـُدود فـمـا

بـخِـلـْتِ بـهِ

أجــودُ بــهِ

فـعـنـدي جـرْحـُهُ الـتـأمـا

إذا اسـتـكـْبـرْتِ عـنْ حـاجـاتـهِ

وظـنـَنـْتـِهِ صـَنـَما

أتـيـتُ لـهُ مـُـلـبـّــية ً

غــسـلـْتُ الــخــفَّ والـقـدَما

فعـُـضــّي الإصــبـعَ الـنـدْمـانَ

ذوقي الـمــُرَّ والـســقــَمـا

ونـامي في الـسّـريرِ

وحـيـدة ًَ

وتوســّدي العـَـدَما

فـزوجـُكِ نـائـمٌ عـنـدي

أُمـَسـّـجـُهُ

أدلـّعـُهُ

وأُنــْصـِفـُهُ إذا ظـُلـِما

هاجر